The Ache We Hold Inside
When these children we loved are taken,
And the years pass slowly by,
You feel the grieving is over.
But the ache is still inside.
This life of ours must continue
And the tears we must learn to hide,
But you know it will never leave you,
This ache we feel inside.
Their siblings go on with their future,
And you know this is how it should be.
You share in their joys and sorrows,
But that ache won’t let you free,
Where they rest, you visit less often,
And their voices are not as clear,
And our zest for life is returning,
But the ache is always near,
Our friends and families tell us,
How well we handled our grief,
If they only knew deep within us,
From this ache there is no relief,
When alone we talk to them often,
For we know they are still by our side,
And the warmth of our memories comfort,
But the ache will always abide,
As we continue this earthly voyage,
And the calm and the storms pass by,
We will cherish our precious memories,
And this ache we hold inside.
-TCF Cincinnati Chapter Newsletter
Feb. 1993, Author UnknownThe Ache We Hold Inside
Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
By Mary Elizabeth Frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
“It has been said time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting it’s sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it’s never gone.”– Rose Kennedy
“A life may last just for a moment, but memory can make that moment last forever.”
“Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones shines through to let us know they are with us.”
A.A. Milne, English author
“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”
Dorothy Ferguson, American author and therapist
“How very softly you tiptoed into our world, almost silently, only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint your footsteps have left upon our hearts.”
“Gone yet not forgotten,
although we are apart,
your spirit lives within me,
forever in my heart.”
Unless You Have Lost A Child
~ Original version was written by Mary Cleckley, Atlanta, GA ~
~ Revised by Wendy Lockman ~
Unless You have Lost A Child
Don’t ask us if we are over it yet.
We’ll never be over it.
A part of us died with our child.
Don’t tell us they are in a better place.
They are not here with us where they belong.
Don’t say at least they are not suffering.
We haven’t come to terms with why they suffered at all.
Don’t tell us at least we have other children.
Which of your children would you have sacrificed?
Don’t ask us if we feel better.
Bereavement isn’t a condition that clears up.
Don’t force your beliefs on us.
Not all of us have the same faith.
Don’t tell us at least we had our child for so many years.
What year would you choose for your child to die?
Don’t tell us God never gives us more than we can bear.
Right now we don’t feel we can handle anything else.
Don’t avoid us.
We don’t have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain.
Don’t tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child.
No other loss can compare to losing a child.
It’s not the natural order of things.
Don’t take our anger personally.
We don’t know who we are angry at or
why and lash out at those closest to us.
Don’t whisper behind us when we enter a room.
We are in pain, but not deaf.
Don’t stop calling us after the initial loss.
Our grief does not stop there and
we need to know others are thinking of us.
Don’t be offended when we don’t return calls right away.
We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others.
Don’t tell us to get on with our lives.
We each grieve differently and in our own time frame.
Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar.
Do say you are sorry.
We’re sorry, too, and you saying that you share our sorrow
is far better than saying any of those tired cliches you don’t really mean
anyway. Just say you’re sorry.
Do put your arms around us and hold us.
We need your strength to get us through each day.
Do say you remember our child, if you do.
Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.
Do let us talk about our child.
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever.
Do mention our child’s name.
It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.
Do let us cry.
Crying is an important part of the grief process.
Cry with us if you want to.
Do remember us on special dates.
Our child’s birth date, death date and holidays are a very lonely
and difficult time for us without our child.
Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child.
We always remember!
Do show our family that you care.
Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain.
Do be thankful for children.
Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain.